Moments of silence, moments of peace
I live for them as they recharge
My internal battery that always seems to be running on empty
Another thing I can chalk up to my disease.
Life can seem so hectic, even when you’re standing still
The moments become memories right before your eyes
It doesn’t matter if you’re moving too
Even if you cannot move the world certainly will.
My hands smell like a hospital or a clinic room at best
Sterile and clean in a way that bites my nose
And there are bruises on my arms
And the rest of me is waiting for the results of all those tests.
“Please make a fist, now I’ll just find a real good vein”
I’m a pro at this, I think, I’ve done it a thousand times
But I still look away from the needle, and don’t look right at the blood
It seems the only thing I’m really used to is the pain.
The blood is gone, the tests are done, and the pee is in a cup
Now I wait here wondering if I’ll get a phone call like before
One that changes life forever, or shocks me through and through
One that makes my blood run cold or tells me time is up.
But as I sit here on the deck, my dog sleeping on my feet
The sun shines down on both of us warming up our souls
I smile and enjoy this moment, and appreciate my life
Because these bruises are my armor against any fate I meet.
All the pain in life has lessons, if you look just close enough
All your suffering will make you brave and strong
So, do not let your heart grow heavy, and never think that you are weak
For the times that were so hard on you have made you really tough.
A day in my body, one that is tired and autoimmune, will teach you many things
It will teach you to stand strong, when the foulest winds will blow
It will teach that you have courage that you never knew before
It will teach you to see the joy and the beauty that life will bring
And most of all it will teach that you can fight
and you can get through anything.