I Am From

I am from

Bedtime stories, lilac bushes, the smell of cakes baking. From living room plays and my little brother’s laugh.

I am from

The smell of horses on my clothes and the thrill of spying on my older sister. From anxiety pills, singing in the bathroom mirror and dreams of being a Broadway star.

I am from

Reading books until my eyes would hurt and growing up too fast. From late night phone calls, crying myself to sleep, and from losing myself to a monster hidden inside a man’s body.

I am from

Daydreams and parents that fought for me and never gave up. From the rush of freedom when you tell someone toxic ‘goodbye’. From therapy, from growing pains, from surviving.

I am from

The windy streets of Chicago, staying up late drinking wine on the deck and flipping off taxis that almost run me over.

I am from

Butterflies on the first day of college, from counting my last quarters to pay for the train. From Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and a cigarette before work.

I am from

The smell of an empty stage on the first day of rehearsal, dogs barking and dive bars. From the feel of leash in my hand and garage cover bands.

I am from

Packing up my belongings in the back of a truck and admitting when I need help. From the biting cold of Minnesota winters and the scorching sun of the summer.

I am from

Sweeping up hair in a high-end salon. From the night that I met him and fell in love. From finding each other and learning to trust again after all of life’s pain.

I am from

The new puppy crying in the middle of the night, the smell of bacon on Saturday morning and picking up dog poop. From floppy ears, wet kisses and going for walks.

I am from

Two apartments, one townhouse, then our home. From a diamond ring inside a Christmas ornament. From a night in November and an exchanging of vows.

I am from

A phone call that changed my life, fatigue, pain, and MRI’s. From Panic attacks, steroid infusion therapy, IV’s and the kind words of nurses.

I am from

PTSD, headaches and lesions in my spine. From being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. From getting back up when life knocks me down and learning each day.

I am from

Lesions in my brain, syringes, the clean smell of a hospital that makes your nose wrinkle. From injecting myself with disease modifying drugs and the painful hold of the MS hug.

I am from

The compassion of others, from faith in myself. From laughing so hard that we both end up crying, from flashbacks, kisses goodnight and wishes for sweet dreams every night.

I am from

Positive thinking, energy, vivid dreams and poems. From strength in the face of my greatest fears. From soft blankets, dog snuggles, and songs stuck in my head.

From determination,  finding a cure, walking for awareness and the power of love.

From becoming a woman I can be proud of.

A Father Is…

To a daughter a father is a very extraordinary man

From the first smile that they exchange, and until the very last

He will always be her support, he will always have her back

 

My father has many lessons to bestow upon his kids

He taught us to ride a bike and to try to hit a ball

He taught us to be good sports, and to get up when we fall

 

He taught my sister to be silly and be true to who she is

He taught my brother to be kind and to hold a baseball glove

And he taught his youngest daughter the power of unconditional love

 

I remember funny moments, like our morning drives to school

Like our trip to San Francisco, so much laughter in our past

It’s those memories that are so strong, that comfort and will last

 

We’ve had our times that tested, waters cruel and storms so rough

But even in those darkest times you taught your patience and your love

And that to stay afloat sometimes you need to look for guidance from above

 

My father is a man of courage, love and faith

He packed up the truck and stood there by my side when I moved two states away

And when I wanted to give up on my dreams he encouraged me to stay

 

He is a joker a couch napper and a protector of his house

He is a leader in his work, a loving husband to his wife

He leaves glow of happiness in the hearts of all those in his life

 

Coach, Husband, Boss, Son, Brother, Uncle, Friend and many more

My father wears many hats, a stack of them so tall

But I think the one that says on it – “Dad” – Is my favorite of all.

 

 

I love you, Daddy!

Love,

Your baby girl

MS, Sushi and Heating Pads

I just want to thank everyone who reached out to me after my last blog post where I talked about the discomfort I have been feeling lately. Learning to trust my body again Hearing people who have experienced the same symptoms share their stories with me is so comforting.

Another thank you to those who reached out with words of comfort, or just letting me know they are sending good vibes and prayers my way. All of these things are like medicine for my soul!

MS can feel really lonely at times. I know that I am very newly diagnosed, but I already have felt the loneliness and loss that comes along with the diagnosis. I’ve felt it when I have been too sick or too fatigued to attend a social outing with friends, I have felt it when I have to leave a dinner or hanging out with friends and family earlier than everyone else because the room is spinning and I am afraid of getting sick in someone else’s home. I am afraid that some day the invitations will stop coming. Just because I don’t end up going out doesn’t mean that I don’t want to. I truly appreciate the invitation. It means you haven’t forgotten me, that you still want me around (even though I might not be my usually bubbly, outgoing self some days), it means you haven’t gotten bored with me always being sick. So thank you.

Today I went out for lunch with my sister and two good friends for her birthday. We had sushi and it was lovely. I have a lot of food allergies (wheat, soy, nuts, sesame, dairy) but praise the lord, I can still eat rice, seaweed and fish! Yes, my options are a bit limited and I have to make sure the restaurant can accommodate my sesame allergies before ordering, but I still get to enjoy a good salmon roll every now and then!

It was great to catch up with my sister and our friends. It was one of those moments where I forgot I had MS and was just enjoying myself. I also treated myself to a manicure today as my husband and I are getting photos taken together tomorrow! I can’t wait! I’ve never had professional photo shoot like this and it’s not supposed to be too hot tomorrow, so it should be a blast. Lastly, I stopped at the local Chuck & Dons and got my dog a new bone. He’s a 100lb german shepherd/husky mix and it’s been raining for a whole day so I figured I would do us both a favor and get him a rainy day treat 😉

I am still experiencing some issues with muscle pain and tightness (I think I’m receiving a nice little “hug” from MS) but I went to Target yesterday and got myself an electric heating pad for my back and that thing is a miracle worker! My issue now is that I am in a constant battle of giving my back some relief from the pain and getting too hot and making myself feel fatigued and loopy. So I am alternating between the two. I can’t complain, at least I found some temporary relief for my back pain! Now I just need an ice pack to cool myself down!

Now for the stuff that really matters: Sparrow Mom and her babies have taken the great leap of faith and flow from the nest. It’s so touching watching my little fluff babies grow up and fly off to live lives of their own! I have put a “for sale” sign in the African Daisy’s and am currently accepting applicants for a new tenant. Rent free, just no eating my succulents!

 

 

-A