Brave

What do you think of when you think the word ‘Brave’?

Do you think of knights or warriors or heroes in capes?

Or do you think of everyday people of all sizes and all shapes?

 

Brave is waking up each morning, willing to face the challenges of the day.

It is looking your problems in the face, but never backing down.

It is letting a smile sneak through when all your heart can do is frown.

 

Brave is walking through a valley of fear and doubt and pain.

It is silencing all of the ‘what if’s” smacking around inside your brain.

And somehow calming the restless and anxious soul and letting a racing mind unwind.

 

Brave is showing up to the doctor’s appointment

Even though you are afraid of what they might find.

It is learning to leave the demons of your past behind.

 

Brave is taking a deep breath in… and letting it out again.

Brave is admitting when you need help, that you can’t do it on your own.

It is making it through the night when it’s dark and you’re all alone.

 

Brave is smiling through the tears that are streaming down your face.

And cracking jokes in hospital rooms to ease your loved one’s fear.

Brave is accepting words of help, even when it’s not what you want to hear.

 

Brave is pulling yourself back up to standing, after you’ve taken your hundredth fall.

It is not beating yourself up for the times you showed your pain.

Brave does not mean that you are not scared, that your heart does not race,

and your hands don’t shake, they do.

 

Brave is feeling all of the fear and stepping forward anyways.

Brave is one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

Brave is being patient for the change you need, trusting that the stars will align.

 

Brave can look at you with fear in her eyes, a quiver in her voice.

Brave can break down and be a monstrous mess

But brave knows that eventually, life will coalesce.

 

Brave is the woman at the clinic, or the man who limps slowly down the street.

Brave is the family in the waiting room, or the patient in the bed.

Brave is the battles we have won in the past, and the ones that lay ahead.

 

Brave is falling into bed after a hellish kind of day.

And telling yourself that even though it was so hard, it’s going to be ok.

Braving is reminding yourself that tomorrow is a brand new day.

 

Brave doesn’t always shock and awe.

Brave can be quite simple and quite small.

And sometimes those little tiny steps are the bravest of them all.

-A

Dear MS…

Dear Multiple Sclerosis,

We’ve been seeing each other for quite a few months now, but I know it is just the beginning of our relationship. When we first met I didn’t know much about you. I had heard your name before but never really given you much thought. But then you showed up one morning and changed my life forever.

You brought with you some of your not so pleasant friends. You know the ones I am talking about…numbness, tingling, lesions, burning, dizziness, and fatigue to name a few. You introduced me to steroid infusions, injections and MRI’s. I can’t say I’m a huge fan of those guys either.

You scared me more than I have ever been frightened before. You make me feel weak. You make me feel sick. You make me feel isolated and anxious. You took away my trust in my body.

You’ve been a tough pill to swallow. I’ve hated you, been bruised for you, and miss out on fun things for you, when you demanded it.

But I have not given in to you. I won’t ever stop fighting you. You may be a part of me now, but you are not what makes me me. 

Despite your efforts, I have stood back up each time you’ve knocked me down. I have learned that I am stronger than I ever knew I was. You have taught me take my body seriously. To listen when it’s signaling to me that something is off. To focus on the positive more than the negative.

I have learned that even on my sickest days, I have people around me who will support and care for me. That I am never alone. I have learned that the power of love will shine bright enough to light up even the darkest of nights and frighten away even the most ghoulish of nightmares. I have learned to be courageous, even when I don’t want to be.

I have learned to take things a little slower and enjoy each minute. To stop and appreciate the everyday things and the beauty all around me. I have learned to love more fiercely, to be more quick to forgiveness and slow to anger. I have gained a compassion for life and the miracle that it is!

So in the end…I cannot hate you. For what use would that be? I’ve chosen to grow, rather than sit still. I’ve chosen to be inspired, rather than be afraid. I have chosen to fight. My life is still my life.

Sincerely,

Mrs. MS Strong

 

Pain, Pain, go away…

The past week or so has been rough for me. I have been experiencing the MS hug, extreme fatigue (I’ve only felt it this severely once before), weakness, stomach problems, muscle spasms and shaking, and pain in my limbs, back, and chest.

I’ve been in contact with my doctors, so they know what is going on. My neurologist said I could be having a worsening of symptoms because the injections are working and as my nerves get a chance to heal they are misfiring more rapidly, and that it will pass in time. Other possibilities are an underlying infection causing a flare up, or an actual flare up. So I am really rooting for the first option!

When I get this sick I have noticed that my anxiety seems to use the time to take center stage in my thoughts. I start worrying that I will never feel better this time, that people think I am just lazy and don’t understand what I am going through, I worry that I am dying. I know that none of those things are true. That they are just the negative ideas and words of my anxiety. But it’s hard to just stop those thoughts when anxiety can be SO LOUD.

I know that I am stronger than this disease. I have bounced back from this before, and I will do it again. I just wish there was a little more certainty around Multiple Sclerosis. The unknown is a very scary thing. But I am arming myself for battle with my armor of blankets, my shield of heating pads, my noble steed Sir Mac N Cheese. But the most important thing I have to help me fight this battle is the love, positive energy, and caring actions and thoughts of my husband, family, friends, and all of you!

Let’s keep fighting this thing!

-A