I’ll remember that phone call most likely all my life.
The one that stabbed into my heart and stuck there like a knife.
I woke up with no feeling in those fingers and my toes,
With no idea what havoc those small symptoms could expose.
You see them in the movies, or hear about them in a song,
Those moments when your ‘normal’ ends and the seconds just drag on.
No one can prepare you for that moment, for that day
When you find out that you’re sick, and it will never go away.
I first react in fear and panic, in shock and disbelief
Numbly listening to the doctor, my hands shake, why can’t I breathe?
It’s “indicative of MS”, “ok”, “do you know what that means?”
“No, not really.” My voice shakes, my heart is racing, please help me.
Multiple Sclerosis is what the doctor then explained.
All I heard was that it was in my spine and also in my brain.
Something in my body wasn’t right, was really wrong.
It’s funny but looking back, it had been that way so long
I held myself together, saying “everything’s alright”,
Until I broke down in the shower later on that night.
My husband sat beside me, as we cried there on the floor,
Knowing that from here on out it’d be so different from before.
We were right, and things have changed a lot in half a year.
MS has put some things on hold, like having a career.
It’s hard to work when you cannot stay awake
And the slightest change in weather makes your whole body start to ache.
But It hasn’t all been bad, these lessons that I’ve learned.
I’m proud of all my bruises and battle scars I’ve earned.
I’ve grown, and I am learning to live in the moment every day,
To connect to life around me, and let my heart show me the way.
I married my best friend on a cold night in late November
A night of love and family that we always will remember.
Those around us showed support and an avalanche of love.
Love is something this disease can never get rid of.
I faced some of my hardest nights, have felt so vulnerable, so scared,
But I learned that when you learn to ask, someone always will be there.
Some days I feel my weakest, and some days I feel so strong.
Some days the world feels right and some days everything goes wrong.
I will continue on this journey, I will continue on his fight.
I will use the gifts I’m given to spread awareness and shine light.
We’ll find a cure and I’ll keep singing my fight song.
Do you feel as good as I do now?
Because this is MS Strong.
Alix in Wonderland 