A Poem for a Pandemic

The geese trust their instinct to fly south every fall.

The flower trusts the sun to return again in spring.

The tree trusts it’s leaves to grow back again each year.

So I can trust that this will end, despite this constant fear.

The cat trusts it’s bowl will be filled.

The bee trusts that each day there will be busy work to do.

The stars trust the moon to glow next to them each night.

So I can trust my body to be strong enough to win this fight.

A lover trusts another with their very heart.

The baby trusts his mother to tuck him in each night.

The fish can trust the ocean and ride the currents that pass through.

So I can trust that this strange nightmare will pass for me too.

The dog trusts that his master will return home at the end of every day.

The earth trusts the sun to hold us in her mighty pull.

A farmer trusts the rain to come and quench his parched field in his time of need.

And the birds trust, that even in the fiercest storms, the branch they built their home on will not bend.

So I can trust that we will come out of this ok, maybe even stronger in the end.

-A

Making Memories

I look forward to the day when I can look back at this and think of it,

no longer in the present tense.

I will dust off these old faded memories, the ones that are so vivid in this moment.

The ones that currently scream into all of my senses, igniting fear and anxiety inside my mind.

Hush. I whisper quietly to my own thoughts as the moon peers through my bedroom curtains.

Its ivory light illuminates my shadowed bedroom.

The bed heaves in rhythm with the dogs breath.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

His slumber is steady – save for the occasional twitch of his paw.

Somewhere a rabbit dashes just beyond his snarling reach.

He does not fear what is happening in the world outside these walls.

He sleeps.

Oh, to have a peaceful mind.

Untroubled by the present, not haunted by the past, not frightened of the path ahead.

Simply living in this moment. Happy to be sleeping on the bed, by the people that he loves.

So the dog is the teacher tonight, the tables have turned and I am the one learning a trick.

To stop the racing cogs and gears of my mind and allow myself to simply be.

To allow myself this stillness, and allow this time of rest.

Like the dog, we will live each day in this house, catching good memories in jars and lining them up on a shelf to look at when the days grow darker.

And when the nights seem longer, we will wait for the sun together.

We will wait and the sun will come, as it always does.

Peaking through the heavy blanket of night like a cool breeze.

And when it does shine again, we will be there together.

Anxiety Lies

I was going a hundred miles down a road that I couldn’t see

I was fearfully and blindly grasping at the straws in front of me

Hoping for a light to shine and illuminate the way

The right choices for me to make and the right words for me to say

When you hit a bump and you’re going that fast it can cause a massive wreck

Standing in the middle of the highway of my mind, I was surrounded by the damage, a haunted feeling creeping up my spine.

My self-confidence was crumpled like the metal of damaged car

A person in a shell of nothing but some bruises and some scars.

Anxiety smacked me in the face like an airbag going off inside my heart

What was meant to keep me safe and well was now slowly tearing me apart.

I was constantly running, inside the dark parts of my mind,

Running from both past and future, terrified of what I might find.

My mind was playing both the roles in an epic game of “cat and mouse:”

What was once a place of comfort quickly darkened into a madhouse.

I was giving all my power to the fears inside my mind

Until the day I took a deep breath, one small step, and left it all behind.

The best part about the fear that can consume you from inside

is once you turn and face it, it always runs away and hides.

It doesn’t matter if you are little or very very large

When fear slips up right behind you, you are the one who is in charge.

Tell your fears you see them, and that everything’s all right.

Tell your worries that it’s all ok, you can focus on just making it through tonight.

You don’t have to face all of your battles in one almighty war.

You can take it day by day, finding peace and joy in small moments that you never saw before.

Anxiety likes to whisper small doubts into our ears.

Small seeds of fear and of incompetence that grow into monstrous fears.

If we focus on the negative, the evil and the sad

We will only see the darkness, not the blessings that we have.

No matter what your mind is telling you, things are going to turn out just fine.

And to truly enjoy the sun you have to endure some cloudy times.

On this journey for peace I have set upon, I have come to realize.

If there’s one thing you can be sure of it’s that anxiety lies.